The Three Types of Boundaries

Welcome to the world of boundaries! When understood and implemented, boundaries completely change your life.

Let's go over the three big groups of boundaries:

1. Parameter: This refers to the limits someone sets on what they find acceptable or tolerable in a relationship or interaction. Parameters are crucial for maintaining one's mental health and ensuring that relationships are respectful and mutually beneficial. They can be emotional, physical, or psychological and are often about personal space, values, and needs.

   
   

2. Compromise: This involves adjusting one's needs, desires, or preferences to reach a mutually beneficial outcome. It's about finding a middle ground where both parties can agree, even if it means giving up something. BOTH parties get to be willing to give something up of the same value. Not value meaning money necessarily, but value meaning how much this means to you. Compromising is essential for any relationship to thrive, as it shows respect for the other person's feelings and needs.

   
   

3. Dealbreakers: These are non-negotiable. They are the absolute limits that cannot be crossed without causing significant harm to the relationship or leading to its end. Dealbreakers are often based on core values, ethics, or personal needs, such as fidelity, respect, or certain life goals. When a dealbreaker is violated, it usually means the relationship cannot continue in a healthy way.

I need to stress to you: boundaries do NOT exist in a relationship until they are communicated. Please do not expect someone to respect boundaries they had no idea were put in place.

Think about this: you get someone a gift. You give it to them. Later on, you use that gift as a reason to ask them to do you a favor. That boundary, the exchange, was not made clear and was not agreed upon by both parties, so the person is pissed!

When you’re setting a boundary and intentionally creating an exchange, it gets to be communicated.

Do keep in mind that no one loves boundaries, especially when they’re put onto you.

For the example I gave, there gets to be an agreed-upon exchange, but what I’m talking about is a change in a relationship or the way that someone speaks to you. Even if the other person doesn’t like it, it doesn’t mean they can’t disrespect you and the boundary. If they do, the boundary might get to shift and turn into a dealbreaker.

Boundaries get to be cyclical, meaning you cannot set a boundary, uphold it, and the disrespect another person‘s boundary. If your boundary and someone else’s boundary does not align, or one or both of you is not willing to meet the other person with that boundary, that’s when it’s time to reflect what kind of relationship can be created moving forward. And sometimes, that might lead to the ending of a connection.

Setting boundaries comes with the potential sacrifice of that relationship, so you get to be willing for both ends of the spectrum to occur: the ending of the relationship OR the respecting of the boundary leading to a healthier, happier relationship.